I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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