She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
