How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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