Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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