I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize