I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
