Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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