Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
These tits shall not be calmed
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