Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
