spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
