i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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