it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize