Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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