Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
