Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
