Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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