My Higher Power is John Stamos
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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