I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
