i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
