when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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