i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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