I didn't shave. On purpose
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
