He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
