I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
