Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
