i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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