Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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