You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
