Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
