You were right. It hurts to walk today.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
