the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
