FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
