i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
