A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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