K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
