is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
