its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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