Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
