Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
