Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
