Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
