conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
