I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You were trust falling into bushes
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize