Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
