She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
