1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
