Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
