Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
