I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
