Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
