yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
