can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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