Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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