The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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