Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
