She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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