Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
