I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
