I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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