Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize