You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize