You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
