i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
