so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I AM VODKA MAN
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize