I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
