he thought i was a dude.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
