yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
