when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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