quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
