We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
